Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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