He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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