Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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