why do cheetos always look like penises
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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