READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
