every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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