his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
