where does the pee come out of this thing
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
