I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
