Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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