I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
