My friends, they love my intelligence
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
honey bunches of taint.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
