That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
