how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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