I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
