I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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