She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
