Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
