i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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