can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
