Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
