Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
