It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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