So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I know her cup size but not her name....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
