I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
