So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
