Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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