yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
