Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
