so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
