I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
