I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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