You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
