Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh god it's open bar.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
