Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize