Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
