yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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