a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is Oprah even human
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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