dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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