ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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