Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
