spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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