i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
