when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
