I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
