The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
