You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
