Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
