My underwear smells like fireworks.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
