Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
