I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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