You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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