You smell like a Billy Joel song
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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