Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
