i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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