i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my shit smells like andre
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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