One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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