I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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