your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
