it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
