My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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