My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
