the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
