I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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