im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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