so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
