i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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