i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
